OK, so you've been married for a while and you think the thrill is gone. Same old face every day and every night. You find yourself fantasizing about Fabio, or perhaps about Kathy Ireland. You feel guilty about it and think maybe your marriage is over.
It doesn't need to be. True, sex becomes more familiar after you've been together for awhile, but it doesn't have to become boring. Once the thrill is gone, it's time to find new thrills. After all I'm hoping you married or chose to live with this person because they are more than a body, right? If your answer is no, then you might want to move out: you won't find any new thrills. But if your answer is that you love your significant other then hang on, because you can and you will find new thrills every day.
I have been married for five years. This is my first marriage and, let me tell you, I wasn't prepared for it. I thought--still think--my husband was the best hunk in the whole world, and I'd never get bored of having sex with him. But at one point we found that our sex life was declining even though we still felt deep love for one another.
Thank goodness we're both honest and vocal. We talked about it. We decided we had to do something to put the spark back into our sex life. And we did. With role play.
Both of us like the theatre. My husband likes going to plays, and I like being in them. I have been associated with the theatre in one way or the other for years and I never thought it could be an answer to a declining sex life. But can be!
I told my husband one way we could spice up our life would be to play games. No, I'm not talking S&M. What we did was this: we came up with loose scripts, and we acted them out. An example: our first script said I was an expensive call girl, and he was a white collar worker with not too much money in his pocket. He would meet the call girl at a bar in New York and try to get her attracted enough to him that she would. . . That was the skeleton of the story. We would improvise the rest. So how did we do it?
We lived in New York City at the time. I went to a nice bar in Manhattan dressed to the nines and looking like a very expensive date. Nothing cheap or slutty about me. I could have dated royalty. I sat at the bar and ordered white wine, and lighted a long cigarette.
I noticed my husband was sitting at the bar already. We had decided he should be there first, in case other men tried to pick me up. That would have been flattering, but I'm monogamous! My husband was wearing a simple suit, commensurate with his persona. He had a briefcase next to his stool.
I ignored him and spoke to the nice bartender. My husband got up from his seat, sat next to me, and picked me up. He introduced himself giving a false name and tried to talk to me, but I was aloof. I even told him to get lost because I was expecting someone.
Of course the "someone" never showed. My husband tried again to start a conversation, and this time I was friendlier. He became a bit forward and said he'd like to date me. I snickered and told him he couldn't afford me.
Then he turned on the charm. I found myself becoming involved in the game. I felt like this very haughty, expensive, call girl and loved it, especially because I didn't really know if my character would fall for my husband's character or not! It was quite thrilling.
I found that my character became interested in this man. He was charming, funny, and a gentleman. Eventually we moved to a table and had dinner. We talked for two hours and I found myself wanting him very much!
He said he was lonely and would love some company, but couldn't afford me. I told him I wasn't going to charge him for conversation, and he asked whether we could chat in his room. I played hard to get for a few minutes then said yes.
We didn't have money to rent a room, so the "hotel" was our own apartment. We went back there, and just chatted for a long time. He was so charming and looked so cute that I found my character asking him to take her to bed! Then it was his turn to play hard to get.
The result was a great experience. We had the most thrilling sex we'd had in weeks, and it felt like it was the first time. We realized our lives had changed for the better. We had found a key to perpetual sexual happiness.
That's how we started our role playing. Two or three times a week we come up with stories to role play. If we have some money, we make it a dinner out or we rent a nice hotel room, but this isn't necessary. We've had many adventures that take place in the park and then end in our bedroom.
If you think your relationship is dull and lacks the thrill of the first months, try this. It's a lot more fun than going to the movies, and you'll find that you can be a good actor or actress. You see, even though the person you're playing with is your partner of many years, they are also someone else at the same time. Once you get the hang of it, you start experimenting with new personalities and new stories. There's no end to what you can do with imagination and willingness to have a good time.
I strongly recommend you try this before you chuck it all and go in search of a new partner. If you love your significant other, it's worth it, and it's a load of fun. True, you may not get nominated for an Oscar, but you'll get sweet rewards anyway. Trust me.
Copyright © 1995 September, AJ Styler