Metanet Presents:

Teiresias

Terror: Odysseus, daughter of Antikleia and Laertes, what are you doing on these distant shores?
Ody: Kirke told me to come see you about how I can get home. I have brought you a black sheep as a gift for whatever help you can offer.
Terror: Give the sheep to Ganymede, the cafe owner, he will know what to do. Take a look around you while you do it. Ganymede doesn't know it, but he shall soon be made an offer to serve the deities on Olympos. The Metanet Cafe will be closed.
Ody: One tick as I have the sheep given to the owner.
Ody: Back again. So what can you prophesy for me?
Terror: Well, I can tell straight off that all you really want is a fair breeze to swiftly sail you to the honey bright lights of home. But that requires no great skill in prognostication.
Ody: Pretty obvious, eh?
Terror: Sadly, more anguish lays ahead.
Ody: Don't tell me that! Well...do tell me, but let me know how I can make it less.
Terror: You are being punished by Poseidon for having blinded pers son Polyphemos. At least one more time you will feel Poseidon's blows. You must pass through the strait guarded on one side by Skylla, the snake woman, and on the other by Kharybdis, an infernal whirlpool. You will lose more of your people at this strait, but there is nothing you can do to prevent it. Just row between the two monsters as swiftly as possible. Following that things could go any which way.
Ody: How is that?
Terror: After the strait you will land on the island of Thrinakia where Helios keeps pers cattle. You MUST keep your troops from making a barbeque of those animals. Otherwise, though you will survive, your boat and crew will be completely destroyed.
Ody: Oh joy. Does it get any easier?
Terror: Well, it all depends upon what happens at Thrinakia. In the worst circumstances it will take still more years to make your way home under a foreign sail. Either way you will be arriving home to a house filled with troubles. Predatory suitors will be trying to take your daughter's hand in marriage, so as to gain rulership of Ithaka. In the meanwhile they will be eating Penelopos and Telemakhe out of house and home. After that things become hazy since it is up to you how easy or difficult you make things for yourself.
Ody: For Zeus' sake, no one is going to harm a hair on my little girl's head. What makes them think she needs them to run the country anyway?
Terror: One thing is certain, if you wish to live out the rest of your life happily and at great length, after you have settled matters at home then you will need to take an oar over your shoulder and travel inland. When you come to a country where people have their meat unsalted, no one has seen sea or boat, and someone asks you what that thing is you're carrying, then you must plant the oar in the turf and make sacrifices to Poseidon. That will ensure your happily ever after.
Ody: Thank you, Teiresias. I will keep all you have said in mind.
Terror: No problems, it's nice to come out of retirement now and again. One thing more: don't go bothering any snakes you may find copulating.
Ody: Really, why not?
Terror: They have the power to screw up your gender. Just ask me. I learned a lot hopping back and forth between being female and male, but I wouldn't want to do it again.
Ody: I'll make sure to remember that. TTFN
Terror: Goodbye Odysseus.

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Copyright © 1998 Katherine Phelps