<
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/202105/8-things-not-say-people-who-are-estranged-parent>
"Family estrangement—especially when initiated by an adult child—remains a mark
of shame, despite all the recent psychological research that’s been conducted
reporting that it’s not uncommon, some sympathetic attention by mainstream
media, and the publication of two mainstream books which at least drag the
subject out of the shadows. (Both authors are bloggers here. Dr. Joshua Coleman
is a psychologist and his book,
Rules of Estrangement, seeks to help
estranged parents. Dr. Karl Pillemer is a sociologist and his book
Fault
Lines promotes reconciliation).
I’m not an impartial observer, having cut my sole surviving parent—my
mother—out of my life more than 30 years ago. I well remember how people’s view
of me shifted then; it might have been a nurse in a doctor’s office asking
about my mother’s medical history and her face registering disapproval when I
said didn’t know. It came up in other ways, of course, all of them
uncomfortable.
When parents cut a child out of their lives, the governing assumption is that
they must have a very good reason since their action runs counter to everything
we believe about the enduring and inviolable nature of parental love. It’s true
that the prevailing narrative has been challenged in some circles, though not
all, by stories of parents who threw kids out for being gay or trans or not
adhering to their religious beliefs. But those stories are relative outliers
because the “cause” is easy to spot, and you either take the parent’s side or
not. The bottom line? It’s culturally easier to tolerate a parent cutting an
adult child off."
Via Muse, who wrote "I know a few people who would appreciate this article."
Cheers,
*** Xanni ***
--
mailto:xanni@xanadu.net Andrew Pam
http://xanadu.com.au/ Chief Scientist, Xanadu
https://glasswings.com.au/ Partner, Glass Wings
https://sericyb.com.au/ Manager, Serious Cybernetics
