The 2005 winner of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest for bad writing:
As he stared at her ample bosom, he daydreamed of the dual Stromberg
carburetors in his vintage Triumph Spitfire, highly functional yet
pleasingly formed, perched prominently on top of the intake manifold,
aching for experienced hands, the small knurled caps of the oil dampeners
begging to be inspected and adjusted as described in chapter seven of
the shop manual.
When Detective Riggs was called to investigate the theft of a trainload
of Native American fish broth concentrate bound for market, he solved
the case almost immediately, being that the trail of clues led straight
to the trainmaster, who had both the locomotive and the Hopi tuna tea.
Grand Panjandrum's Special Award
India, which hangs like a wet washcloth from the towel rack of Asia,
presented itself to Tex as he landed in Delhi (or was it Bombay?), as if
it mattered because Tex finally had an idea to make his mark and fortune
and that idea was a chain of steak houses to serve the millions and he
wondered, as he deplaned down the steep, shiny, steel steps, why no one
had thought of it before.
Share and enjoy,
*** Xanni ***
Chief Scientist, Xanadu
Partner, Glass Wings
Manager, Serious Cybernetics