<
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2025/jul/07/the-benevolent-ageism-of-elderspeak>
"I recently joined an exercise class for over 55s. I estimated the majority of
(mostly) women in the class were, like me, septuagenarians. They all seemed
familiar with the drill – chairs, weights, bands, balls – and within a few
minutes I knew I was in the right class for me. It wasn’t a dawdle – in fact it
was decently challenging, especially the balance exercises. Our excellent
instructor offered three levels of difficulty for every exercise, urging us to
work out at our own pace and ability.
Near me was a considerably younger woman who could well have been the baby of
the group. A fiftysomething perhaps, she was steady, confident, flexible and
strong. She always chose the hardest level. It was validating to share a class
with her, to know that the program was designed to be accessible for my own
arthritis-challenged frame but still be beneficial for a much fitter, younger
person.
After the class I queued up to retrieve my bag from a table. This younger,
fitter member was standing by the table between me and my bag. To fetch it I
would need to reach around and risk invading her personal space. So I asked:
“Excuse me – do you mind if I grab my bag? It’s just behind you there.”
“Of course not,” she answered, handing me the bag. “There you go, sweetheart.”
Sweetheart? Why was this stranger calling me sweetheart? Not that I hadn’t been
bestowed with similar endearments before, but that was half a lifetime ago,
under different contexts and gender dynamics. Back then I would sometimes find
myself an unwilling darling, love, or sweetheart to a man trying his luck.
But being addressed as sweetheart, even by a pleasant woman who showed no hint
of malice, left me feeling patronised. The incident carried echoes of my
mother’s aged care facility in the early 2000s, where staff routinely addressed
residents by infantilising names. At the time I thought the carers sounded warm
and sympathetic and Mum didn’t seem to notice or mind. But I’m not OK with it
now; not for myself as an older person living independently in the community,
nor for those who live in aged care."
Cheers,
*** Xanni ***
--
mailto:xanni@xanadu.net Andrew Pam
http://xanadu.com.au/ Chief Scientist, Xanadu
https://glasswings.com.au/ Partner, Glass Wings
https://sericyb.com.au/ Manager, Serious Cybernetics
